My whole life I’ve been a prisoner. How is life inside the prison? Well, it’s like what you imagined. I have a regular schedule and rules that I need to follow. There are guards that watch my every move and ready to put me back to my place if I’m disobedient. I don’t have the power to change the structure nor encouragement to question why things were the way they are. I get rewarded for good behavior and punished for bad ones. No going outside my curfew or pick fights, otherwise my visitation hours will be cut short. Follow the instructions and I will be fine.
The prison I’m talking about isn’t surrounded by black bars. The prison is my school and house. I don’t think it’s bad since this is what I’ve always known.
I’m writing this because after 20 years in prison, I’ve been released. Knowing nothing about life outside of the prison, suddenly I’m expected to know my way.
Is this what’s called freedom?
What do you want to do? What do you want to be? Where do you want to live?
Before, I wasn’t supposed to ask questions. Now, I’m asked to give answers. Getting out of jail should mean freedom, right? But here I am, chained with thoughts and worry.
What should I eat? How can I pay the bills?
All these questions are like songs on my playlist that’s on repeat forever. Oh, how I took for granted those free food along with the regular exercise and sleeping routines that I had to do.
Choosing my own path
That prison life wasn’t bad at all, it was great! Although physically confined, my mind was as free as a bird that can fly anywhere. That life is not for everyone, but there is comfort in the familiar. Meanwhile, being out of the prison means I can be anything and anywhere. After spending years being told what to do, I have to decide for myself.
The options range from getting a 9 to 5 job to building my business. If I choose the path of employment, I’ll be caged by fixed schedule and glass panels. Should I choose self employment or even building my own business instead? However that also requires my mind to think about my craft or products in for my whole waking hours. All options feel like prison all over again, albeit in different forms. These don’t look nor feel like freedom I was thinking of.
In hindsight, we can never get out of prison. We’re never truly free. However, we have options now. We get to choose what kind of prison suits us better. And this prisoner is on her way to finding out which.
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